I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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