I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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