it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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