you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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