dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
