hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
