That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
