I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
