Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
