took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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