A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
