Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
wow bdsm is so cute
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
