Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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