Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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