We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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