He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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