Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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