R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
