i can't believe i had my finger in that
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
