so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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