weddingsv make me drug and hornr
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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