to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
