hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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