that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
