I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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