I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
