She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
