3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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