I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
