I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i dont even know how to be here
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
