walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
