i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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