turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
we're so committed to being not committed
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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