that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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