Capitaan dildo arrescate!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
