ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
