Quick, to the slutcave!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
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