Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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