then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
