I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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