I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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