How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's great music for shaving your balls
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
