i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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