I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
