im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
