Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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