ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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