My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
