god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
