i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
