the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
