i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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