I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
