she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
