I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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