he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
