I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
