can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
