So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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