do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
