Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
