hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
