in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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