Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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