You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
