Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
