im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
