Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
