Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
