Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
