I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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