my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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