i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize