Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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