i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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