I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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