you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
