i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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