ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize