My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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