New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
