People with herpes should wear stickers.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
