gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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